The Rational Explanation

I’m just going to go ahead and confess that I currently have an expired license in my wallet.  Yesterday was my birthday and my license was due to be renewed, but I haven’t done it yet.

There are many very rational reasons why.  Here is my plan if I get pulled over and am forced to hand an expired license to an officer:

Step One:  Pull over quickly and safely, not like that time I drove for a long time not noticing the lights until the officer finally had to put on the siren.

Step Two:  Put on Harried Mom Face (where’s the challenge in that — you hardly ever take it off).  Open window, keeping hands in full view at all times.

Step Three:  Hand officer license and registration.  Immediately confess that license is expired, before she/he has a chance to see it.

Step Four:  Here’s your moment.  Launch into your airtight explanation:

I’m so sorry, officer.  I know it’s expired.  I received the notification six months ago in the mail, but then:

  • We were planning to move, and I thought it would be better to have my official address on there rather than go through the additional step of getting it changed again after we moved.  So that takes us to February.
  • My hair salon closed and moved to Cotswold.  They rescheduled all the appointments and mine got put off.  I don’t have to tell you how critical it is to have a good haircut for your license picture, right?  It lasts for ten years!  My last one was really good, because we had just moved from California…and my hair was long…and my face was thin (living in California will do that for ya).  I have a lot to live up to with that picture.
  • The day I finally had my hair appointment, I ended up in the emergency room with a kidney stone attack.  I had to text my friend who’s a colorist at the salon from the ER and have her tell my stylist that I wouldn’t make it.
  • Then I spent a week in a holding pattern, ready to collapse into blinding pain again at any moment, until the doctor and I agreed that we’d do surgery to remove the 5mm kidney stone.  Do you know what that’s like?  5 millimeters in a teeny little 1 millimeter tube inside your body.  And it’s not smooth.  It’s like a peppercorn. I mean OW.  I’m just saying, OW.  Did you want me to go get my picture taken at the DMV in that state of mind?
  • Then I had to finish up homeschooling for the year, picking up the shreds of learning we’d done while I was on narcotic painkillers, and then we took off for Indiana for a week because my oldest niece was graduating from high school and we needed to be there because all the siblings were going to be there, and we can’t be the slacker branch of the family who doesn’t make the trip, right?
  • And that brings us up to yesterday, my birthday, the day my license expired, and the day I finally got a good haircut.  I will right this wrong as soon as possible, but as you can see it has been utterly impossible for me to renew my license until now.  I hope you can understand.

That’ll work, right?

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