Scene:  Older two boys completing their writing assignment.  They are learning to insert dialogue into their paragraphs this week, so we do a little role-playing to help them dream up dialogue.  What might Pope Gregory say to Augustine of Canterbury to ask him to go to England to increase the spread of Christianity?

Ben (for our purposes, the Pope):  Augustine, you must go to England.
Cameron (or, Augustine):  Why?
Pope:  To spread Christianity to the barbarians!
Augustine:  But they are rude!
Pope:  (blank stare)

At this point, Mom jump-starts things by saying, “you’re right, probably at that point, the Pope said, never mind, you don’t have to go.”

Pope, trying again:  You may take forty monks with you.
Augustine:  May I take weaponry?
Pope, giggling:  No!
Augustine:  May I throw rocks at them?

…aaaaannnnndd, scene.


Scene: Maddie is flipping through the Bible on the kitchen counter, watching Mom make lunch.  She asks at each picture, “who is this?”  Jonathan walks into the room and begins listening.

Maddie (pointing): Is this Jesus?
Mom (craning neck): No…that’s Ezra.
Maddie:  Ooooohhh.  EZRA.
Mom:  Do you know who wrote the Bible, Maddie?
Maddie: Jesus?
Mom:  Yes!
Jonathan:  NOOOO, God did.
Mom is quiet.
Jonathan:  Well, Jesus wrote the second part.
Maddie:  Yeah, Jonny, Jesus wrote the second part.
Jonathan:  But I know who REALLY wrote the Bible, Maddie.
Maddie:  Who?
Jonathan:  Monks!
Maddie:  JONNY!  I don’t care about monks!
Jonathan:  You don’t care about people who wrote the Bible?


Scene:  Maddie is ready for bed, wearing an ill-fitting nightgown that routinely slides off her shoulders.

Daddy (aside, to the adults in the room):  Maddie, you look like a hussy in that nightgown.
Maddie (doesn’t miss a beat):  No, Daddy, I look like a flower.

Overheard: Laura Ingalls Wilder Edition

Scene:  family sitting in living room after breakfast, finishing the last few pages of Little House on the Prairie


(In case you haven’t read the book, at the conclusion, the little family is driving away from their beloved house on the prairie, not knowing what the future holds.)

Mom:  So what do you think will happen in the next book?  Where are they going to end up?
Andrew:  I think they will go to Independence [Missouri] and have a house there.
Jonathan, matter-of-factly:  I think they will get eaten by wolves.


Scene:  Maddie and Mom sitting in the seats before the Georgia Aquarium’s dolphin show.

Mom:  Maddie, during the show you will see the trainers throwing little fish to the dolphins.  That’s their treat.  If they obey, they get a reward.
Maddie:  And do they get spanked if they scream in their room?
Mom:  Maybe they have to go to timeout.
Maddie:  Maybe they have to swim with the sharks.

Overheard: (a twofer)

Scene:  Afternoon, children are playing in the front yard.  Maddie comes in crying and yelling; hot on her heels is Jonathan.

Jonathan, sweetly:  I’m sorry, Maddie!  I’ll throw it to you!  Come on, let’s go play catch!
Maddie, headed back outside:  BUT I DON’T WANT TO PLAY CATCH WHHHAAAAHHHH!!!

(Oh, three.  Some days you rear your ugly head more than others.)

Scene:  Wednesday evening.  Mom has done most of the prep work for small group on her own, but just like every other Wednesday, she puts on loud music and calls the kids to help her for the last half hour.  Family is jamming to CCR and buzzing around, making sure things are ready.

Mom:  Wow!  You guys are getting so good at preparing for FLOCK, I think you could do it without me!
Ben:  And I think you’re crazy!


Scene:  kids in the backseat, sharing a package of Twizzlers.

Jonathan, instructing Maddie:  See, Maddie, this is a twizzler.  But you don’t have to twizz it because it’s already twizzeled.  Because it’s a Twizzler.

Anyone wanna help me out with the translation?